When the fuck am I going to get a break? I can't keep bending over at the will of whoever or whatever is making this shit up. I mean really I have had my moments in life but seriously who did I screw over so bad that I just can't get a moments reprieve?

So the neighbors behind us are after 2 years of having no issues are suddenly afraid of my dog. Granted since Courtney died he has gone on ubber idiot mode. He is doing his job though. He is our protector and he knows that Courtney is gone so he is now the last guardian of his pack. So he barks and growls when they are right next to the fence. He has even gone so far as to bounce on the fence while growling after they antagonize him by spraying him with water or standing there talking about him for 10 minutes. Scary for them I am sure, but now they have decided I better do something. Well, how bout this; make me. My dog is very socialized. We have a cat that he is afraid of. Really he runs from her on a regular basis. He is very very dog friendly any shape or size. He is great with kids. He is the dog who has never met a stranger, everyone is friend to him. He has all his shots, he is neutered and he is licensed. I refuse to put a shock collar on him to make him afraid to protect his home. This is the point of his existence. He is a companion yes but he is also here to protect myself and our children from percieved danger. do I think he would bite someone who enters our home when we are there, no way. Do I think he will bite someone just for entering our yard with us not home, probably not. Do I think that he will bite if provoked or percieves you as a threat to me or the kids HELL YES. I would then thank him for doing his job. So again they can kiss my ass.

I just want one day where I can relax and enjoy my kids without having to watch for the other shoe to come plummeting down. I just need peace and stability. I need to know my kids are safe. My home is protected. That tommarrow will be better than today. It just never is. My toes are over the edge on that preverbial cliff. The wind is pushing at my back. I want nothing more than to just open my arms and fall. Each time I look back I see my kids and know that they are why I am here. They are my purpose. They are my reason for being. I need to show them that no matter how empty I feel without their dad that we must find a way to heal and not just scab the emotions over.