Wednesday

this is going to be a week in review for the next few post. I am just so worn down. This is my only outlet but I just can't drag myself to the computer to let everything out.

My final appointment with Social Security was at 3:00. I had a friends little boy with me but really no biggie. I took the double stroller and the boys just chilled. That is until I get to the door and see the notice saying they had moved their damn office. So back in the car we go and race across town. Out of the car again and now they are a bit pissy. Extra kid fell asleep (gotta love him) and #4 was happy as a clam as long as I was steadily shoving food down his throat.

The worker and I go through everything for #4 to receive his monthly money. Done, he is cleared and ready to go. We begin to talk about me. After all the proof I have that Courtney was my sole means of income. Showing tax records, signed documents, joint accounts, lenth of relationship. That was it zip-zero nada. The worker must have said it 10 times that I don't count for anything since we never legally married or registered with the state. Oh but if I was gay then it wouldnt matter. I asked her if the fact that I was at that very moment taking it up the ass from her counted towards the gay credit. She was not ammused. So it boils down to the $1500 am month that I should be entitled to the state keeps and gives to the fuckers who abuse the system. Oh what a country we live in.

By the end of all that I was so done. I just can't hear one more mother loving person tell me i dont count as his wife. I am now nothing to him because we used our time together our way instead of rushing to get married. We spent time loving each other and being there for our kids so because we made the choice to get married later rather than sooner, I am fucked. The best part is I am nothing to him when it involves paying me but the second someone is looking for a bill to be paid they try to bully me into paying. It is after all my obligation to him. Well guess what fockers, until I am legally recognized f the hell off.