Saturday, August 23, 2008

and finally

here is the thing that is getting on my nerves the most. If you were a good friend of ours or close family I really dont mind. Thing is if you arent one of the few select mentioned above WHY oh WHY do you need to know how he died? Does it help your grief, no. Does it make you change your lifestyle, no. Does it give you a good laugh to see me break down when I tell the story, maybe. Does it get you off just a little to hear the details of a persons death, yeah probably.

You want the details, you better be damn good and ready for me to give em. I am so fucking tired of sugar coating everything so noone has to go through what I did. I am tired of it. I give everyone the respect to give them the easiest version to them but you cant give me the respect of not making me relive that morning each time you ask. Even if I dont tell you the details, even when I give the simplest answer possible I still see that morning like a movie in my head over and over again.

Then when I give you the anwer you want more. Then you want to get upset and cry and ask even more questions. Fuck off and go watch some stupid cop drama to get your kicks.

I am so tired of re-living it so I have started to give those worthy fucked up answers. Like one of the dumb bitches from the previous post. She asked how it happened, so I told her we had just started banging and bam he was gone. Another girl asked (at the store and I still have no idea who she is) and I told her the same but added in that the seizure was a huge bonus.

I have yet to tell anyone the enitre story and I doubt I ever will. Again if you are a friend who I hold close to my heart and you each know who you are, I will tell you and it wont upset me. If you have a question just ask. It is just these people who seem to be using this as kicks that are going to get the ass end up answers.

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