I was doing so well. I have managed to not cry infront of anyone since Saturday. I have managed to have a few talks with Courtney and not break down.

Today #4 decided to climb onto the couch all on his own. His first time. We have waited so long for this little stunt man to climb. Courtney couldn't wait. My first thought was to grab the phone and call him. Then I lost it. This was the first thing that #4 has done without his daddy there to witness. This is a milestone that I couldnt share. I just dont know what to do. It was like a knife in my heart.

If I cant make it through something as small as climbing a couch what am I going to do when it really matters. Who is going to teach them all he would have? Soon enough #2 and #3 are going to need to start shaving, that was his job. Who is going to teach #4 to tie his shoes? I swear to you my kids were all 3 wearing velcro until he came home. It took him 1 day to teach them.

2 steps forward 10 steps back. Problem is there is a cliff right behind me and I am so close to falling.