I have come here to post so many times in the last few weeks. Each time I break down and just can't put the words into text as they pour from my mind. So much has happened so much has changed.

Time is passing. Time is standing still. There is no sense to my words, that I know. Every single day that he is gone is getting harder. I think that I have just began to realize that he isn't coming back. I have gotten through each day by living for my kids. I have fooled myself into the thought that this is just a test. He is waiting right around the corner to say it is over and I will never leave you again. I am just done. I can't continue on like I have.

I am so disappointed in myself. I feel that I am letting everyone down but I cant smile anymore. It hurts to much. I cant go on about my life and act like I know it will be okay because I know it wont. Nothing will be okay without him. He was more than just a partner to me. He was part of me. I am so empty and lost without him. I need him so that I can be me.

I have no idea where this blog will go from here. All I know is that I need this place to come and spew my emotions. I need this place to come and sort out my thoughts and experience from the day. So who knows what you may find, I certainly don't but I will guarantee that you will find something from here on out.