Who the fuck are you to come around and judge me for finding a moments happiness? Who the fuck are you to judge the fact that I get out of bed and most days get dressed? Who the fuck are you to question how I manage to be with friends and think about all the good and not the bad?

Every fucking moment of my life is consumed by what is missing from it. Can you for one second really think that me being with people I care about makes me a bad person? Fuck off. I clearly don't grieve like you. Oh hell, I have never done anything in my life like the typical fucking airheads you date. I pride myself in the fact that I am stronger than that. Courtney loved me for that.

I had just made it to a happy place and what do ya know, you fuck it all up. Question myself, question the way others see me. I am not going to do this to my kids or myself. I won't be the girl who wears black and sits in the corner with my cats for the rest of my life. Honestly I don't like cats.

I am me, take it or leave it. I will find peace again. I have no idea if that will be in the next day or not for another 20 years but I will find it. No matter where my life takes me Courtney will always be there in the center of it. Don't for one second take that for granted. I know in my heart that if the positions were reversed he would be feeling and doing the exact same things. He would not bury his head in the sand until "you" say it was time to live again. I won't either.

So bottom line is you can take me on the good days and the bad or you can take your self-righteous, pretentious bullshit, better than the rest, secretly self loathing, always looking for the spot light ass and move the fuck on.